Crystear

English Version for LOVE

2009-05-14T21:55:00.004+07:00

Life is just amazing
Start with a straight way
Soon enough you'll find one turn
Now you think, it could be more than just a straight way

On the time when you so sure that you can find your own way
You'll find the same place again, again, and again
So, where are you now?
No more straight way huh?

Vision of the future even farther away from you
Life is not as easy as it was before
Suddenly you can be at the bottom
Suddenly you can fly so high

End of day
When you say 'Thank god is over!'
That day that you knew, its just another new start

Life is endless journey of love
Over the same way but never the same at the end
Virtually set up an end to be a new start
Ending with no more time running by your side

LOVE

My self on a mirror

2009-05-08T18:31:00.002+07:00

I used to say 'I'll keep her in my heart'
But now years after I loosing my sight of her nothing seem moving forward
I used to say 'I hope I can found you, somewhere'
But in the end, I'll just have to find my self, again

I keep looking my self on the mirror
I keep on seeing the same face
I say to the mirror
See, even now you found your self all alone

Well, I had a dream
A story about love and the future
A long lasting romance of life
But I say 'it'll be just a dream'
No such as romance
No such as love story
No one, nothing
No such a story been written on my fateline

We are story writer
But we can’t just write it down as what we want it to be
That's what dream is all about
A story that we can not write all the time

When a dream seem farther
Again I'll ask my self
Did I get my self lonely?
Did I really want to make it real?
And then what I've done?

Silence caught me once again
No real answer for any of those questions
Before another wound appear on my heart
There'll be no answer good enough for every question

Neverending Why

2009-04-18T16:09:00.003+07:00

Why I keep angry to you?

Because I knew that you like me or I like you

Why I keep my self silence?

Because I had to do something or upset

Why I keep my self doing nothing to you?

Because you are something beautiful or you did the same to me

Why I always say your name?

Because I don't know why

Why I make you hate me?

Because I'm in love with you

Why I'm in love with you?

It can be anything

Why I write such a strange words?

Because my heart say so

Why I keep remember you?

Because you make me do so

Why you want me to be your brother?

huh?

why I keep my self asking why?

because i want you to know it...

why?

I'll answer because you'll keep asking why

Disgusting Creature

2009-03-29T15:11:00.006+07:00

People will never call my name.
They will never touch me.
They will not think about me.
I will not think about them.

They are not my friend.
The only friend for me is lonely.
No one take care of me, not even me.

I live on the place where nobody lives
Darkness is my neighbor.
My lovely home is darkest site of heart.

I can't smile, laugh, feeling happy, or falling in love.
Anger, hatred, greed, cry, and sad is my favorite words.
I don't have any thanks on my dictionary.

I can only think badly.
I can only talk badly.
I can only do something badly.

If you call it disgusting, then I call it beautiful.
If you call me disgusting, then I'll say "Yes, that's me!"
If you say "You're not disgusting!", then I'll cry.
And if you say "you just like me...", then I'll die.

Morning Walk

2009-03-01T14:20:00.005+07:00

That early morning.
A foggy day came with sharp wind over my face.
as I walk a long the path across the park. I saw a girl surrounded by the fog.
She just sit on a chair beside a fountain .... I saw her eyes.... It seem she's crying...
then the fog disappearing...
when again I try to see her... she smile to me... then she run...

7 Years Letter

2009-03-01T13:24:00.007+07:00

Dear friend,

How are you doing? Where are you? I hope you still remember me. I none but just someone who ever met you a couple years ago. Still.... I hope you never forget me... at least as your friend and here I am rewriting a time when we're together as a friend.

Dear friend, do you remember when we first met? Well, I remember it clearly. When I saw you for the first time. Actually, I was laughing (sorry for that!). You're such a strange girl. With two pigtail on your head! This is 70s or what? That the first time I saw a girl came to school with two pigtail on your head. Then you came inside my class and so you're my new classmate.

I just came in to the class, you're there with guys are all over you except for me. They all tried to introduced them self to you, but not with me. I just don't really care and just sit like nothing ever happen. I don't even know your name that time, but then you came and asked me to push my desk a bit forward so mine can be a level as your desk. That the time when I knew your name. Unlike the other, i never properly introduce my self to you.

Well you know that I not a quite social person. Its hard for me to get along with another person, especially girls and unknown person. You are different. When most the girl call me refrigerator or ice because its too cold to get near me. I just ... i don't know. It seems so easy for you to get along with me. You made it easier for me to get along with you too. You've made me totally different person. You gave bunch of memories to remembered.

Time when you around me, it such a beautiful time. No one ever knew that I could get along well with a girl. So its not a surprise when people come up with idea that we're couple. It became an issue and a whole school knew it. Not before you do something silly to me. Do you remember it? It was a creepy day for me. On the break time, I was sit on my chair and copying homework from my friend when suddenly you came. You on your knee beside me and say "please... please..". I never knew what thats all about. The last time I remember people all around the class and yelling at us. That made us famous around the school as a couple. I don't know with you but it made me shock... very shock.

Thats what you're to me, you always surprised me with almost anything you did to me. You didn't stop with just that. I remember... on January, you came early that day. It's near 11th January, you asked me to accompany you that morning. You said to me "Happy Birthday!". Yes that's my birthday, then you asked me again "Is it me? The one who say 'happy birthday' to you!". I just said no, then you looked a little bit down. "But... at least I'm the first one within your friends right?". Oh...Okay! Then I just said yes. Haha... so that's why you came early huh? It's funny for me, outside you're came early that morning just to make sure you the first one to say something to me, you're the first one to do something like that to me. I was so happy because of that and I know that your birthday is also in January.

Yep... if I should remember all the time we used to be together, you made me experienced a totally different situation that I've never done it before. You're the first one who show me that you care to me, you even say it to me. You're the closest one for me ever, even you're new for me. In total, you made me a different person...

Another day...that time... you made me totally silence. I don't know if you still remember this. you came to my home and there's just two of us. You sit and talk about your past, and I just sit and listen but sometimes just walking around because I was so nervous. You talk a lot, about your self, your family, and how can we become a friend. Then "I think... I have a little feeling of love to you..." that what you said, you suddenly stop. You closed your mouth with your hand... it's like that it just came out without even you realized it. But I clearly heard it... I can't no longer talk, just sit and silence. I don't know, i just stupid or what. How come I just sit and didn't say a even a single word to you about that? Even I knew love you. That just it, when time pass me by, I just knew that I can't never say that I'm in love with you.

Sorry, my dear friend. I could never say it to you. I just can do this. Just write down my feeling to you here in this letter. But my dear, this is not a love letter. Yes.... I need to make you know how much you mean to me. That words that you send to me, not just make me silence, but the time almost stop for me. I kept looking to the time when we're together. It's hard for me to look ahead and run with the time. I kept looking for you... I kept you inside my heart....

You know what? After the last day I saw you before my eyes, I've been a jerk for almost the girls I know. I kept them cry or angry to me. Some of them are my best friend now. But I keep doing such a bad think to them. I'm a weird person.... haha.... I can't claim this as your fault. This is clearly my fault for searching an image of you inside them. No girl ever so close like you did before. So, that's why I always miss the time when we were together.

Yep, because you such a strong memory for me. I keep remember you until now, but this makes the time almost stop ticking for me. 7 years ago you said it to me, for the whole 7 year I keep looking for you and waiting, and now 7 years later, I wrote down this letter to you so you can read it. not that I can just forget you, not that I surrender to the time, and not that I stop from keep trying. I need to go on with my life! So... I wrote this letter for you so I can remember you for the last time. Yes my dear... if you read this letter, it means ... I'll have to forget you forever even I know you'll still in my heart!

best regard

me from 2001

not: Just for me

2009-01-26T09:13:00.003+07:00

Dear me,

whats wrong with you?

the time ticking and yet you are there begging for easy life

noone get it easily, they all keep trying

and now, you should do the same!

me,

struglefor easy life

Who do you thing you are?

2009-01-03T11:19:00.002+07:00

Start with darkest place you start to crawling upon all the light.

You proud, you can stand by your own legs then you start on making the first step.

Right after your first step, you tried to run wildly but you suddenly lost your way.

Now, you knew the word of "stop". Suddenly the world no longer bright.

It start all over again and it always like that.

Before u knew it, now you digging your own graveyard for you to finally Rest In Peace.